Searching the Meaning

The new chapter in my life has begun. I am a student again. I have been meeting new people and the new people and the new people have been meeting the new person in me. It has been an exchange of new encounters. The new people I met were really amazed and still continues to be amazed the way I, little by little, had been introducing myself. At first, they were amazed when they learned that I became a seminarian; they can't believe I had wanted to become a priest for once. Second, maybe, the way I speak and relate seems for them that I have brought the mannerisms of a priest. Nonetheless, from my own perception of myself, it seems i have reformed my study habits. I have developed my communication and socialization skills, I am more confident than before. In other words, I have grown.

In a way, I have matured. And the main contributor in the maturation I have been undergoing was the previous year's exposure. That year made a big impact on me in the totality of my being and becoming. Yes, I had been vacant of my academic studies during that year, but I was not left with nothing, instead I learned more and it is helping me until now.

However, sometimes I slow down amidst all these personal achievements because I am still finding the meaning of what I have been doing. When I was in the seminary when I still wanted to become a priest someday, I was fully motivated and my motivation was the priesthood. When I left for the girl, the girl was my motivation to finish right a way my studies. But now, I do not know what motivates me and I am really slowing things down. My goal for the moment is unidentified; as if I am a basketball player attempting to shoot the ball without the backboard and ring. Nevertheless, although I am in searching, I need not just simply to pause and kneel down. I need to do something worth while and of value. My main objective at present is to finish my studies and further look for a job suitable for me. Eventually, within the run, I may be able to find that meaning.